Jarrod; what? what is...oh right,. i see. gather around, everybody. (they gather around) ah, listen, great job gang. its been a magical journey...
Joan: no, you idiot! look onstage!
Jarrod: oh my god! janet!
dick: janet the extra woman, woman no. 2 Janet they killed Janet Jarrod: Janet’s Got a gun, shes shooting people!
joan: why would she shoot people? they were applauding!
jarrod: not the audience, joan! the actors! there are two dead actors on stage!
jarrod: quiet! (stage whisper) quiet! yep, shes still there. all right, listen. gather round. we ’ve got to get out of here. now, thats a seven shooter shes got, so she has five bullets left.
dick: how ’d you know it was a seven shooter?
jarrod: i used to do a lot of community theatre. anyway, heres the plan. theres a trapdoor right past the womens dressing room. it leads to the rear entrance. if were quiet, we can go through and phone the police from outside
joan: hey, maybe someone in `the audience already called the police?
jarrod: not possible, the ushers confiscated all the cell phones
joan: damn those fascist bastards!
raul: when will the world learn?
jarrod: alright, everybody ready? follow me!
daphne: come on alice!
alice: no
jarrod: alice, come on, its safer then staying here.
alice: i prefer to stay:
raul: alice whats the matter? come with us!
alice: i... i havent taken my bow yet.
dick: what?!
alice: i havent taken my bow yet. i cant go until i take my bow.
raul: are you insane girlfriend? thatstheres a crazy extra onstage with a gun!
alice: then we have to get her offstage sebastian. so i can take my bow. shes been out there too long already. shes milking it. its disgraceful. shes stealing our curtain call!
jarrod: alice...
alice: im not leaving jarrod.
jarrod:alice!
alice: get her offstage and ill take my bow and leave. until then, im waiting right here.
jarrod: you know what? fine, thats fine, alice. if you want to stay and get shot by a psycho actress, thats just fine with me. the rest of you, lets go.
jarrod: what’s going on here?
tom:we can’t go jarrod
joan: we have to take our bow
jarrod: I’m not believing this
dick: listen jarrod, you’re a fine stage manager no one is disputing that but... well, you’re not an actor i know you work hard and you are integral part of the production and all that but we actors put ourselves through hell for this show, for every show, did you know that I lived on nothing but lettuce and cigarettes for these past few months
raul: I gave mysself papercuts every day
joan: I let my cat use my naked chest to sharpen her claws
sebastion: and I watched “Beaches”
daphne: my god How?
sebastion: I used those little eye clips like in a clockwork orange
tom: do you know why we do all these things?
jarrod: because you’re morons
tom: for the show, to get in character to search the depths of our souls for truth no matterr how bitter or painful, that is what a true artist goes through day after day and that is why we must go out there for our curtain call
jarrod: but she has a gun
tom: so she has a weapon we all have weapons our talent is a weapon
jarrod: but she has an actual gun with bullets you idiot
tom: (takin charge) then we must get that gun and quickly, there must be someone who can reason with her, get her off that that stage!
Joan: no, you idiot! look onstage!
Jarrod: oh my god! janet!
dick: janet the extra woman, woman no. 2 Janet they killed Janet Jarrod: Janet’s Got a gun, shes shooting people!
joan: why would she shoot people? they were applauding!
jarrod: not the audience, joan! the actors! there are two dead actors on stage!
jarrod: quiet! (stage whisper) quiet! yep, shes still there. all right, listen. gather round. we ’ve got to get out of here. now, thats a seven shooter shes got, so she has five bullets left.
dick: how ’d you know it was a seven shooter?
jarrod: i used to do a lot of community theatre. anyway, heres the plan. theres a trapdoor right past the womens dressing room. it leads to the rear entrance. if were quiet, we can go through and phone the police from outside
joan: hey, maybe someone in `the audience already called the police?
jarrod: not possible, the ushers confiscated all the cell phones
joan: damn those fascist bastards!
raul: when will the world learn?
jarrod: alright, everybody ready? follow me!
daphne: come on alice!
alice: no
jarrod: alice, come on, its safer then staying here.
alice: i prefer to stay:
raul: alice whats the matter? come with us!
alice: i... i havent taken my bow yet.
dick: what?!
alice: i havent taken my bow yet. i cant go until i take my bow.
raul: are you insane girlfriend? thatstheres a crazy extra onstage with a gun!
alice: then we have to get her offstage sebastian. so i can take my bow. shes been out there too long already. shes milking it. its disgraceful. shes stealing our curtain call!
jarrod: alice...
alice: im not leaving jarrod.
jarrod:alice!
alice: get her offstage and ill take my bow and leave. until then, im waiting right here.
jarrod: you know what? fine, thats fine, alice. if you want to stay and get shot by a psycho actress, thats just fine with me. the rest of you, lets go.
jarrod: what’s going on here?
tom:we can’t go jarrod
joan: we have to take our bow
jarrod: I’m not believing this
dick: listen jarrod, you’re a fine stage manager no one is disputing that but... well, you’re not an actor i know you work hard and you are integral part of the production and all that but we actors put ourselves through hell for this show, for every show, did you know that I lived on nothing but lettuce and cigarettes for these past few months
raul: I gave mysself papercuts every day
joan: I let my cat use my naked chest to sharpen her claws
sebastion: and I watched “Beaches”
daphne: my god How?
sebastion: I used those little eye clips like in a clockwork orange
tom: do you know why we do all these things?
jarrod: because you’re morons
tom: for the show, to get in character to search the depths of our souls for truth no matterr how bitter or painful, that is what a true artist goes through day after day and that is why we must go out there for our curtain call
jarrod: but she has a gun
tom: so she has a weapon we all have weapons our talent is a weapon
jarrod: but she has an actual gun with bullets you idiot
tom: (takin charge) then we must get that gun and quickly, there must be someone who can reason with her, get her off that that stage!
